Praise Effort and Attitude — Not Just Results

We live in a results-driven world.

Win the game.

Hit the target.

Get the promotion.

Achieve the grade.

Results matter — of course they do. But when we focus only on outcomes, we unintentionally create pressure, fear, and limitation rather than growth, confidence, and resilience.

Recently, I was watching my son play rugby. While coaching my own team, I could hear the opposition coach constantly shouting instructions from the sidelines — telling players exactly where to stand, what to do, and how to play every moment.

The impact was obvious.

The children weren’t expressing themselves.

They weren’t experimenting.

They weren’t learning through decision-making.

They were playing cautiously — trying not to get it wrong.

And that’s the problem.

We Learn More From Failure Than From Easy Wins

Growth does not come from getting everything right.

It comes from:

• Trying

• Adjusting

• Making mistakes

• Learning

• Trying again

When young people (or adults) are overly directed, criticised, or praised only when they win, they begin to associate their worth with the outcome. That creates fear of failure.

And fear limits performance.

Ironically, the harder we push for results, the more we restrict the very behaviours that create them.

The Research Behind Praising Effort

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset highlights something powerful:

When children are praised for intelligence or talent (“You’re so clever”), they become more risk-averse. They avoid difficult tasks because they don’t want to lose that label.

However, when children are praised for effort, strategy, and attitude (“You worked really hard on that” or “I love how you kept going”), they:

• Take on tougher challenges

• Persist longer

• Bounce back from setbacks

• Develop resilience

In one well-known study, children praised for being “smart” were less likely to attempt challenging puzzles afterwards. Those praised for effort were more willing to embrace difficulty.

Why?

Because effort is controllable.

Winning isn’t always.

If someone believes their value comes from winning, they protect winning.If they believe their value comes from effort, they pursue growth.

That distinction changes everything.

The Problem With Result-Based Praise

When we praise only outcomes:

• Children can become anxious about performing next time

• Employees may avoid stretching themselves

• Athletes may fear taking creative risks

• People tie their self-worth to external validation

And when results inevitably dip (because they always do), confidence drops with them.

This doesn’t just apply to sport. It applies in business, leadership, parenting, and education.

As leaders and managers, we often default to spotting what’s wrong. We correct. We fix. We point out gaps.

But what you focus on grows.

If you constantly highlight mistakes, people become mistake-focused.

If you consistently highlight effort, improvement, and attitude, people lean into growth.

Focus on What You Want to See More Of

There’s a simple example I often use:

If you tell a child, “Don’t spill the milk,” what does their brain focus on?

Spilling the milk.

Instead, if you say, “Hold the cup steady,” their attention shifts to the behaviour you want.

Language matters.

Focus matters.

Attention drives performance.

As coaches, parents, and leaders, we have a responsibility to create environments where people feel safe to try, safe to fail, and safe to grow.

Is It Their Fault?

Going back to the rugby match — that opposition coach is probably coaching how he was coached. Or parenting how he was parented. Or leading how he was managed.

Most of us default to what we experienced.

So rather than criticise, perhaps the better question is:

Have we shown people a different way?

Because there is another way.

A way that builds confidence instead of fear.

A way that develops long-term resilience instead of short-term compliance.

A way that creates independent thinkers rather than instruction-followers.

Enjoy the Journey, Not Just the Destination

People go much further when they enjoy the process.

When progress is celebrated.When effort is recognised.When attitude is valued.

Results become a by-product of growth — not the sole measure of worth.

That’s true in sport.It’s true in parenting.

And it’s absolutely true in business.

So the real question is:

Are you praising the result?

Or are you praising the behaviours that create sustainable success?

Because one builds pressure.

The other builds people.

And in the long run, building people is what drives performance.