How We Show Up: The Silent Messages We Send Before We Speak

How We Show Up: The Silent Messages We Send Before We Speak

We like to believe we judge people fairly.

We like to believe we “don’t judge a book by its cover.”

But the truth is, our brains don’t wait for permission.

Within seconds of meeting someone, our mind has already started building a picture of who they are, what they’re like, and whether we trust them. Not because we’re bad people — but because that’s how the human brain works.

Before a word is spoken, we are constantly reading signals.

What are they wearing?

How do they carry themselves?

Do they look engaged or distracted?

Confident or unsure?

And from those signals, we start to make assumptions.

If someone turns up in scruffy clothes, we might assume they don’t care, or that money is tight.If someone arrives well-groomed, athletic, wearing a suit, we may assume discipline, success, self-respect.

If someone wears a Rolex, we may assume wealth or status — whether that’s true or not.

None of this is conscious. It just happens.

I once had a boss who used to walk into meetings with the Financial Times tucked under his arm. He would deliberately place it on the table before we started. Nothing was said — but the message landed anyway.

“I'm informed. I'm serious. I understand the markets.”

That single action shaped how he was perceived before the meeting had even begun.

The same thing happens in meetings every day.

Someone leaning forward, making eye contact, taking notes — we assume they’re interested and engaged.Someone slouched back, arms crossed, glancing at their phone — we assume the opposite.

Personally, I’m very intentional about how I show up.

I like to look after myself, stay fit, and dress appropriately for what I’m doing. In meetings, I always have a pen and pad and write things down — sometimes just a few words — not as a performance, but because it signals respect. I’ll also repeat key points back, so the other person knows I’m truly listening.

That behaviour doesn’t just affect how others see me — it affects how I show up too.

Body language plays a huge role in this silent conversation.

Think about the difference between:• someone standing tall, head up, open posture• someone walking slowly, shoulders rounded, head down

Who do you instinctively trust more?

Who feels more confident, capable, and safe to talk to?

Again — not fair, but very human.

This isn’t about being fake or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about awareness.

If we know that people are constantly forming impressions — whether we like it or not — then we get to choose how intentional we are with the signals we send.

So the question becomes:

If someone met you for the first time today…What story would your appearance, posture, and behaviour tell about you?

And is that the story you want them to hear?